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For reasons I can only surmise, it seems that my generation has more than its share of commitment phobic people, on both sides of the fence. My guess is that we were the first generation to live through the divorce of our parents being socially acceptable, and actually, common.

The fear of failing at love and marriage is a heady one, and I’m sure it contributes to quite a few cases of commitment phobia. I honestly don’t think that commitment phobic people want to be that way, it doesn’t sound like a very happy way to live.

You can protect yourself and your heart by looking out for a few red-flags that are a dead giveaway that a man, or woman, is a commitment phobic.

Subtle Hints

While a commitment phobic person may be charming, and loving and attentive when they have you all to themselves, if they avoid attending gatherings of friends or family with you, this could be a subtle hint.

If your current romantic interest has a problem with planning ahead – for anything – this may also be a sign. Planning ahead means committing to something in the future, and that is something they cannot do.

For a commitment phobic person, allowing date into their homes is often times taboo. They would much prefer to spend time elsewhere because their home is sacred ground.

Blaring Red Stop Signs

If your current interest is older and has never been married, or has a history of short relationships, this is probably a good sign that they have issues with commitment.

Commitment phobic people also tend to play their significant others like a yo-yo. Pushing them away and then pulling them back. Not wanting them because they fear the commitment, but they don’t want anyone else to have them either. They simply can’t even commit to letting go!

Unreliability, tardiness and just not showing up are all notoriously common behaviors for these types of people. Regardless, they will always have an incredible excuse for leaving you hanging.

Can People Suffering from Commitment Phobia Change?

Just like many other psychological illnesses, a commitment phobic can only change if they want to change. In order to want to change, they have to get over the biggest hurdle first, and admit that they have a problem.

Once a commitment phobic comes to terms with their illness, they will need to seek help in order to try and overcome it. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a good place to start. There they can explore what makes them tick, and why the view relationships like they do.

It may not be a fast road to recover for the commitment phobic, but it will be a road that may lead to a more satisfying life for them.

As for the people who love them, if you insist on continuing in a relationship with a commitment phobic person who refuses to get help, you will need to come to terms with the fact that they will most likely never be able to commit to a relationship with you and it could be a very bumpy ride.